The Importance of Turning 70 🍾 | Perforated Lines
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⚑ October 26, 2017

The Importance of Turning 70 🍾

A New Yorker cover of what might have been.

A New Yorker cover of what might have been.

The main reason I wanted Hillary to win was because I wanted to watch her style evolve as she performed her duties in office. The greatest designers in our land would have been wringing their hands and staying up late creating outfits for the sort of stumpy body she now has. Some of them would have been stunning. A women of a certain age, in charge. It was a dream.

In addition, her hair would have continued to evolve, maybe even growing longer for a while. She has real hair, and that’s what we would be seeing every day instead of the cotton candy slicked back with Brylcreem on the sides that we see now. Real highlights would happen every week or so; her hair could get playfully rustled by the backwind of the helicoptors without the whole thing threatening to lift off like a scab. Maybe a hat or hair clip would fascinate us for a day or two. Varieties of comfy flats and very short heels would float across our screens, and maybe we would have seen cool notebooks, snazzy purses, beautiful pens. I know she would be using the White House accessory wall very, very thoughtfully.

Superficial? Certainly. In this sustained attack of propaganda coming from behind that dusty old Iron Curtain, the things we can see in the videos are about the only things we know for sure. And we know for sure that his hair is fake. And we know for sure that he thinks it looks good. And we’re learning that he doesn’t like to be crossed or challenged, just like any abusive father, boss, husband, or loud significant neighbor. So unless a hero comes along, we are doomed to the last gasp of a toxic Mad Man with a weapon in his hand. His taste will prevail and his delusions will become the law of the land.

Voting wasn’t enough this time. Not in this lawless time. πŸ”